Lonely Valentine
by Optimus95
Summary: It's the first Valentine's Day since Hannah Baker's death, A heartbroken Clay Jensen decided to spend the day with the one girl he truly ever loved knowing he'll never get the chance to say those three words to Hannah


Valentine's Day had arrived so suddenly yet again and unlike last year where I was full of so much hope and love for Hannah Baker I was actually dreading today this year round not because she was gone, don't get wrong I miss her dearly every day and was still grieving for her for what she had gone through in the last few years of her life and I wish she was still alive and hadn't taken her life but I was full of so much regret of never telling Hannah how I truly felt about her and never actually getting to tell her that I loved her. I still love her very much to this day and always will till the day that I die.

Cycling around the town on my bike I grab a few things before making my journey to the cemetery, lots of people would be spending there Valentine's day with their loved ones and going on romantic dates but I didn't feel like doing dollar valentines this year on a wimp and I wanted to spend today being besides Hannah's grave so in some way I still felt somewhat close to her when in reality I could never be.

Parking my bike against the bench near Hannah's final resting place I sombrely walk to the edge of her grave to see two dozens of red roses resting against Hannah's headstone, kneeling down I saw two written messages from her parents that were in the middle of the bunches of roses.

 _Happy valentine's day sweetheart we miss you so so much, you'll always be my valentines xxxxx_ wrote Mrs Baker

Happy valentine's day darling we love and miss you so much everyday Hannah R.I.P angel signed Mr Baker

My heart broke even more for Hannah's parents and how must they be still feeling over their daughter's death as tears snuck free and started to roll down my cheeks to which I had no control over, I knew today was going to be a long day.

Taking deep breaths to steady my nerves I reached into my bag and pulled out a few gifts to give to Hannah on Valentine's Day, to start off a dozen of red and white roses for Hannah which I knew she through were cliché so I went with a mixed of different colour roses, a box of her favourite Mike and Ikes that we always shared together while working at the Crestmont and a drawing of two love bunnies that I drew which Hannah would know straight away I drew for her only and dropped in her compliments bag in high school. Looking down at the note I write for Hannah in her bunch of roses I decided to speak them out loud for her to hear

'Hi Hannah I never got the chance to say this to you when you were alive but I love you Hannah. I always have and always will, happy Valentine's Day love Helmet' I croaked, tears welling back up in my eyes as my vision became blurry from tears I was desperately trying to hold back

My body trembled as I spoke to her and placed my roses next to her parents on the headstone along with my other gifts as well, I reached into my bag and untangled my Beats headphones from the Walkman I longed borrowed from Tony, placing a cassette in the deck I pressed play as the first song on the tape played. It was the song that Hannah and I slow danced too at the Winter Formal which brought back some wonderful memories that I had that night with her, god I'd given anything to dance with her one more time again just to have and to hold her. During the song my body crumbled under the weight of emotions I was going through and hit the floor with a thud as more tears left my eyes, my body lying flat next to Hannah's grave while my hand reaches out and touches the spot where Hannah's cheek might be and then rubbed the earth, like she wasn't died and buried but lying right next to me on the ground

'I'm so sorry Hannah I couldn't save you' I trembled, closing my eyes shut but leaving my hand still in place to where she is like I was still close to her somehow….

I must have fallen asleep for an hour or so because the right side of my face was stinging from sleeping on the soil and the tape in the Walkman had longed finished while I was passed out, I heard the revs of a car engine get louder and louder even with my Beats on my ears I still couldn't see where the noise was coming from. My eyes landed on the red paint of the Mustang as the vehicle slowed down and came into clear view, I knew who owned that car as the driver stepped out of the vehicle with a bunch of red roses his hand

'Hey Clay' Tony greeted warmly

'Hi Tony' I replied, surprised to see him here as I quickly got up from the ground

'You came to visit Hannah?'

'I didn't feel like spending Valentine's Day with anyone so I decided to come and spend it with Hannah since it's the first one since she…' I admitted, sniffling lightly

Tony nodded and knew what I was getting at before walking over to the top of Hannah's grave and placing his roses down next to mine on the headstone while wishing her a happy Valentine's Day.

'I'm sure Hannah will appreciate the gift you got her Clay'

'You think so Tony'

'Yeah I do. When her parents come and visit again tomorrow and see someone else has left something for Hannah, they'll know someone else other than me does still care and thinks about her'

I smile weakly before beginning to break inside again and this time I manage to hold back the tears as Tony walks around to me and pulls me into a hug, rubbing his hand up and down my back like I was child that needed to be calmed down. We stay for short while before Tony offers to give me a ride back to my house, placing my bike in the trunk of his car we slowly and quietly exit the cemetery to not disturb anyone else visiting a loved one….

Since we left the cemetery I haven't said a word or looked at Tony once since on our journey home back to my place

'What's on your mind Clay' he asked, looking over every so often

'What Hannah said on her final tape, I hate that her final thought of me is that she thinks that I hated her, I could never ever hate Hannah I loved her, I love her' I admitted, feeling the tears trickle down my face

'I'm sure she doesn't think of you like that now Clay in spirit'

'But she's gone now Tony there's no changing that'

'True but I'm sure she knows now that you don't hate her if anything that you were the one who loved her the most and like she said your aren't every other guy Clay, your different. You're good and kind….and decent'

I remember the exact same words Hannah used on my tape and I smiled weakly at Tony before staring out the window once again while we speed along down the street, my body was exhausted and drained out from all the crying as my eye lids started to fall closed and my mind went blank for a moment like I was about to enter sleep before seeing a vision of Hannah Baker appear. She wearing her purple lace dress from the Winter Formal and smiling widely at me like she hasn't seen me in forever, our song is playing in the background and Hannah walks forward to me and put a strand of hair back behind her ear when she finally reaches me

'Hey you' her soft voice greeted

'Hannah' I gasp in shock and relief to finally see her once again

'Happy Valentine's day Helmet' Hannah replied happily

She catches me totally off guard and moves forward quickly pecks my lips, my eyes widen in shock in what just happened and the brief feel of her soft plump lips again against mine felt so good. Placing my hand on Hannah's soft cheek I drew her closer to me and passionately seal our lips together, the tip of my tongue scored along the sealed seam and coaxing her mouth open as my tongue slipped in to deepen the kiss, both of our tongues fighting for dominance as one hand had entwined in her soft long hair and the other landed on her waist.

I didn't know if this was a dream or a messed up mind game my mind was playing on me after today but I'd like to think it was a dream that Hannah had decided to interrupt from above to give me a message for Valentine's, to tell me that she doesn't hate me at all and she loves me instead and will be waiting for me when my time comes for us to meet again…..


End file.
